There are days in a mom’s life that she may not want to be documented on camera, but these years are too precious to say no.
My dear husband travels for work. Oftentimes, he wants to FaceTime us on days when he’s traveling and my daughter and I have been doing the opposite of traveling. We’ve been nowhere but home for what can seem like days on end.
One particular day, my hardworking husband said something sweet about how he wanted to see his girls’ faces. I remember this instance because it was one of those days where I felt like I was struggling to keep up.
It was not an out-and-about errand running busy day, but rather a home-all-day, only me and the baby, don’t remember when I last looked in the mirror kind of busy day.
All the noisy toys were going off at the same time, every tube of chapstick had vanished, I spilled coffee on the mail, the dog was smelly. I felt tired, behind, and impatient.
I remember this day because my first reaction was to say no to FaceTime.
But why on earth would I not want to see my husband when he’s been gone for several days? I’ll tell you why, because I wasn’t thinking about him at all, I was thinking about what he would see.
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Now in theory, I think a top knot and a bare face sounds adorable.
But I rarely pull it off as cute and effortless as it sounds and especially not on the day I was having.
Flat hair, shiny forehead, full-coverage panties, wrinkly t-shirt. Not one of those cutesy graphic tees with a clever saying either. Like a haggard old stained one from high school NHS.
And when he asked to see us, I paused. Then I literally shook my head at myself for being so petty. And I said yes.
I say yes every time.
This is real life, so he can either like it or love it. And every single time he loves it! It’s crazy. Every time he tells me I look pretty and I’m doing good.
Maybe because he can see that the baby is teething and tethered to my hip and I haven’t had a free moment for myself all day, so he wants to be nice.
Or maybe, he just thinks I look pretty and is happy to see my face.
It’s also at this moment that I realize he never thinks twice about how he looks for the camera. He just cares about seeing us. I want to be more like that.I want my daughter to see her mom gladly accept FaceTime calls. I want her to witness me taking tons of pictures with her, not avoiding friends at the grocery store, and waving to the neighbors no matter how I look or the day I've had.Click To Tweet
My baby deserves to see her daddy as often as she can, regardless of my insecurities about ratty hair or a messy house. Insecurities that, I’ve resolved, will stop with me. Because she’s simply too special to risk observation and imitation.
Even after years of partnership, sometimes it’s still hard to be vulnerable with someone.
To let them see your puffy eyes, chapped lips, and uneven complexion.
To smile into the camera and just look at that person you love instead of staring at the tiny box in the top corner, changing angles to try and not look like a troll taking a selfie (also not the cutesy kind).
I have to admit, I get a little self-conscious because I think he looks so handsome and polished.
He’s had a day: he’s showered and wearing a shirt with a collar. I can tell he’s talked to people today.
I hope he doesn’t see me and get scared away and wonder what he’s gotten himself into (I kid). But he’s the opposite of shallow and every single time, he says he misses us, reminds me he’ll be home soon, and says I’m pretty.
I smile and fight back the urge to make an argumentative remark like how I don’t feel very pretty, or something equally as stupid.
Remember, she’s listening, too.
Tell yourself what you’d tell your daughter – smile big for that camera, sweet girl, you’re beautiful and I love your face!
And for the love, never argue with a compliment.
Do you ever face these same insecurities?
by grace & grit,